Adultish

           It has kicked in. The ways of not wanting to do anything. But mostly the huge shock of reality.

    I have been thinking a lot lately about how close I am to adulthood. Before I know it I'm going to be graduated and out on my own. Well technically not out on my own because I’ll have Sebastian to help me, which honestly makes me feel a lot better.

        Although I am very, very nervous about going out on my own I love the fact that I have someone who I can rely on and I know that he’ll always be there for me. He’s older than me so he is very intelligent and mature in the fact of knowing certain things about living on his own. Me and him are very 50 – 50 on pretty much everything! It gives me a feeling of security and I really like that!

        Something else that has come to my realization is the fact that most of my friends and I will probably never talk again. I have come to terms with that fact the closer I get to graduation. In the beginning of the school year I never really thought much about that aspect. After we came back from Christmas break is when everything really started to sink in for me.

        One thing I keep doing is dreaming about it all. I keep having this dream that All of my friends and I are sitting on a huge beach surrounding a bon fire and we’re all just talking and cuddled up in beach chairs holding our significant others. We talk about the years of school we’ve had together and what our plans are for the future, where we think our lives will be in ten years and our favorite memories from school. After the bon fire fades everyone slowly disappears back to these cabins that sit back a little ways from the beach. As I watch everyone leave I know in my heart, that most of those people walking away, are people I will never see, hear from, or even think about again after that next day.

        I have accepted it. I’m going to be an adult. A real adult. Not the “I’m 18 I am an adult!!!” kind of one. But the one who pays bills, rent, works fulltime. I’m excited yet mortified but I will take every day one step at a time.

        Wish me luck :)