Adultish

           It has kicked in. The ways of not wanting to do anything. But mostly the huge shock of reality.

    I have been thinking a lot lately about how close I am to adulthood. Before I know it I'm going to be graduated and out on my own. Well technically not out on my own because I’ll have Sebastian to help me, which honestly makes me feel a lot better.

        Although I am very, very nervous about going out on my own I love the fact that I have someone who I can rely on and I know that he’ll always be there for me. He’s older than me so he is very intelligent and mature in the fact of knowing certain things about living on his own. Me and him are very 50 – 50 on pretty much everything! It gives me a feeling of security and I really like that!

        Something else that has come to my realization is the fact that most of my friends and I will probably never talk again. I have come to terms with that fact the closer I get to graduation. In the beginning of the school year I never really thought much about that aspect. After we came back from Christmas break is when everything really started to sink in for me.

        One thing I keep doing is dreaming about it all. I keep having this dream that All of my friends and I are sitting on a huge beach surrounding a bon fire and we’re all just talking and cuddled up in beach chairs holding our significant others. We talk about the years of school we’ve had together and what our plans are for the future, where we think our lives will be in ten years and our favorite memories from school. After the bon fire fades everyone slowly disappears back to these cabins that sit back a little ways from the beach. As I watch everyone leave I know in my heart, that most of those people walking away, are people I will never see, hear from, or even think about again after that next day.

        I have accepted it. I’m going to be an adult. A real adult. Not the “I’m 18 I am an adult!!!” kind of one. But the one who pays bills, rent, works fulltime. I’m excited yet mortified but I will take every day one step at a time.

        Wish me luck :)

Addyson Christina Marie Talgo

                Welp…… It all started years upon years ago when I was in 7^th grade. I was a very touchy and loving child. All of the high schoolers used to think I was so cute so they would hug me whenever they saw me and talk about how cute I was. I used to know so many that as the years went on I didn’t even notice half the people going out and graduating. Well I was my junior in high school, I had gone over to my aunts to have a cook out. There was a young pregnant women sitting in a chair. I had known the second I saw her that I had seen her somewhere before. As the barbeque went on and we talked we came realized that we went to high school together and had a lot of mutual friends from school.

                Time went on, we exchanged numbers and the rest was destiny. We didn’t really talk much to be honest but I was always excited to go to my aunt’s house and hope that she was there! Her name was Cheyenne by the way! I totally forgot to mention that bahhahahahaha. Well she had her baby on October 24 ,2014. It was right around a month when I had seen her for the first time. The second I saw her I was stunned by how beautiful and spectacular she was. My breath was a gasp as I looked upon this perfect little angel.

                                 

                Me and Cheyenne started texting more and more and then made a plan to hang out one Friday after school, we basically just went back to her house and we talked and I played with little Addyson. Addy really took a huge liking to me right from the start. It was after that day that everything just changed for me. That beautiful little baby changed my entire life. I’m a completely different person because that gorgeous baby girl was brought into this world. She is not mine however, sometime I wish so.  Me and Cheyenne really became inseparable as well! The father of Addy left them both and when I saw them and be friended them and Addy touched my heart. I stepped up to the plate.

                            

                I was there for everything. Her first words, I had seen her first steps, although not in person. I was actually at the hospital visiting my grandfather when Cheyenne had called me and told me to go look at the facebook video she had just posted, I went out into the hallways just in-case there was sound and I watched the video of her very first steps and how her face lit up as she took step after step. Now I am by no means a crier. I have had the most dreadful things happen and I did not shed but a single tear. But as I watched her and her face….. I cried, tear after tear rolled down my face as I stood in the hall of the hospital. Tears of joy are something I had never really experienced until that point in time, not from laughing so hard you cried, but this was more from the beauty and the tickle in my heart. I knew. I knew that Addy was and always will be a huge part of my heart. I could never understand why a father would leave her, she is such an amazing person.

                I watched that Abby grow, I helped her grow…. Maybe not always good. I taught her to say shit before she was one years old. I specifically I taught her to say shit when she dropped stuff. It would make me laugh so hard when she’d throw her bottle on the floor, laugh and say shit, and then repeat when you gave it back to her.

                Addy’s smile is a gorgeous and perfect one. I can’t put into words right now how much I love my niece. I will never be her father but I will always be that amazing Uncle that would do anything for her or her mother. I could go on for pages and pages about the last year, but I should probably just stop now. That baby is my world and I’m literally crying right now thinking about how it’s been over a month since I’ve seen her. I have hundreds of pictures. Tons of letters, posts, thoughts, but it’s all way too much.

                I don’t really know how to end this because I feel like I’ve barely written anything about her. But she is my world.

My Niece

My Baby

My Little Girl

And I’ll always walk to the moon and back for her! I love her to the moon and back! We were best friends me and Cheyenne, but not like the kind you find in high school. We were friends, but we were also a family. And the things I've learned from those two women have change me forever, for the good of course :)) Now my arms are all wet from wiping my eyes, who knew a baby could have this much effect on someone! Uncle Gage loves You ADDYSON CHRISTINA MARIE TALGO!!!!

A regular day in the life of Meh ^.^

Welp..... Life... Life is good! Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm exactly where I want to be.
- I'm getting my own apartment
- Have a perfect boyfriend
- Good stable relationship
- Watching all my grades and keeping them up
- Constantly working sadly not working enough haha
- Accepted to college
- Getting the cutest puppy ever
- And ready for anything you could throw at me.

But with every good thing, there's a bad to way it out.
- Bills
- Finding a good inexpensive apartment that allows dogs

- No matter how much I work I can never make enough to stay ahead

- Paying off debt

- Never getting enough sleep

- Stress of going to school

- Dealing with my busy schedule

            - Wake up at 6:30

            - Take a shower

            - Leave by 7

            - Call and wake up the boyfriend and talk to him on my way

            - Pick up Mercedes & be at school by 7:40

            - Get out of school at 2:20

            - Take Mercedes home and be back a work by 7:45

            - Be at work, changed, and ready to punch in by three

            - Work until eleven

            - Rush out the door and home which takes about fifteen to twenty minutes

            - Arrive home and get inside quickly and swiftly without the dogs barking and waking         everyone up

- Change into my sleepy time clothes and get all set up to do my homework. I start my homework usually around midnight, while I prop my phone up and FaceTime with my boyfriend at the same time because he works and I’m in school and working so it’s really our only time to talk

- Finish my homework around one or two, if I even finish it all

- Prop my phone up on my teddy bears lap and kiss my phone to say goodnight to my boyfriend, and then we go to sleep still FaceTiming.

            That is a regular day in the life of me.

The Tarradah Effect

          Have you ever had that pick me up from someone? Just at the right time? It may just be a beautiful smile from a stranger or a compliment on how good you look.

          Well I get that almost every day and it has opened my eyes to something! I like to call it the Tahrda Effect. Zara Tarradah is a foreign exchange student who came to Bucksport from Bahrain, she to me is the perfect person. I understand that everybody has their differences and faults but to me. I just love her.

            I think that everyone from now on should partake in the event I am now calling the Tarradah Effect. I know that there is a lot of movements alike this one. However with Zara I see something new, something I’ve never seen in anybody else. She lightens a room when she walks in, she effects all around her. She is inspiring. A ray of light on a dark day. I have had personal experience on feeling her glow and her ability to brighten the already bight and beautiful day.

            I was hadn’t had a single conversation with Zara before a couple weeks ago. All I knew was that she would watch me and smile when I walked through the library, or by her classroom. Although I didn’t know her, her smile still make a smile appear on my face even on my saddest days. This was my first experience with the Tarradah Effect. We then later encountered each other in the hallway and struck up an ole’ conversaysion (pronounced conv-er-say-c-on)

Zara- “HI!”

Me- “HI!”

Zara- “I love your hair!”

Me- “Thank you so much!”

Zara- “I’m not trying to be weird by staring at you all of the time but you just really remind me of someone from back home, Everyone likes him and he’s really famous. I just can’t think of his name”

Me- “Thank you so much!”

Zara- “You’re welcome!”

            I wish for everyone to be a part of the Tarradah Effect along with me. I’m not asking for much really, just a smile to someone you walk by or a simple friendly wave. 

So I ask you all to par-take in this movement with me!

Can you share a friendly smile? 

If you seem someone upset are you going to have the courage to ask them if they are okay?

WE DO! And We Encourage You to Have the Same Strong Will To Help

From the Leaders of the Tarradah Effect to you, we ask for your hand to make this movement a world renounced movement. Take our hands in the fight to push our loving helpful light onto those who need it, and so on and so fourth. 

Thank you Zara Tarradah for being the amazing person you are and opening my eyes.

When to know to let it go.

      You know. I'm a strong perosn. I'm a very strong willed and opinionated person. I work hard for everything I own and I will do so for the rest of my life. I know that we're not suppose to be writing on this yet but I figured. I just got home from work and this thoughts still on my mind after a rough and stressful day so I thought I'd just kinda let it all flow out. 

      I'm never one to just give up. I mean i will fight and fight and fight to keep something continuous, but there comes a time when you have to look at what you fighting for and think long and hard........ Is all of this worth it? How is this benefiting me? How is it helping me and my goals toward the future. And the biggest question. What am I even fighting for? I had to ask myself these questions today and the answer I came to wasn't exactly something I wanted. But I knew I had to do for myself.

       The hardest thing for me that I was fighting for was to fix something. Something that before I had even touched it I had already known it would need a lot of mending. But I was in way over my head! I felt like I was trying to fix a half broken vase but while I was busy fixing it I was forgetting about my own tasks inlife I wasn't fulfilling and somewhere along the line I dropped my case and shattered it completely. I couldn't quite put it back together again but you best believe I kept on trying. But it just came to a point where I was tired of fighting with the glue and sticky fingers and stress. And I threw in the white flag. Not because I wanted to, or because I was forced to. Because I knew I had to. I had to do it for myself. 

      I'm really kinda taken aghast for a moment while I ponder my decision and the feelings in my heart, chest, and mind. Every part of me wants something different and I can never come to a single conclusion that'll please all of me. 

      I guess what I'm saying is, is that everyone will tell you how to fight, fight, fight, but nobody every really teaches you how to know when it's okay to give up, you just have to learn by yourself in trial and error I guess. Well I guess I should probably tend to my other homework since it's currently 1:13!